Fic: The Cockblock Hypothesis
Jul. 5th, 2010 02:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kelly_girl
Title: The Cockblock Hypothesis
Fandom: The Losers
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Pooch POV on pre-Cougar/Jensen
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and belong to someone with more money than me.
A/N: This is what happens when I tried to get into a drunk Jensen's head.
Summary: "It’s been turning me on a lot since I discovered that Cougar is a genius with the long term planning of a visionary.”
Pooch was tired and more than ready to go back to the hotel room. The bar wasn’t loud but he’d had a drink or three and he wasn’t looking for anything else this place had to offer. He was halfway to the exit when he spotted Jensen at a corner table. He veered right and plopped down in a chair.
“Man, I thought you left with um, Melissa?”
Jensen took a gulp of his beer. “Mercedes. Nahh, she left with Cougar.”
Pooch frowned. “Wasn’t she sitting in your lap earlier?”
Jensen nodded and took out a small notebook. “She was indeed. Then Cougar came along and said something hot and possibly illegal in Spanish and she dragged him out of here.” He pulled out a pen and started scribbling something while Pooch tried to ask a question without pissing Jensen off.
“Doesn’t that bother you?”
Jensen looked up at him and blinked. “What?”
“Cougar swooping in before you can seal the deal. We’ve all seen him do it and you never seem to get really mad.”
Jensen gestured at the waitress and held up two fingers. Moments later, two shot glasses filled with an amber liquid appeared on their tables. Jensen swallowed his in one gulp and hissed at the bite.
“It made me mad at first until I realized that Cougar’s jealous.”
Pooch grabbed his drink and gulped it down. He got the feeling he needed to be a little drunker for this conversation.
“He’s jealous? Of you? Bro, I don’t think he is but him always stealing your lady is not cool.” Pooch never figured Cougar for an asshole. They all played jokes and talked shit about each other, but if Cougar was continually cock blocking or stealing Jensen’s girls, that was wrong.
Jensen smirked and signaled the waitress for two more shots. “Oh, he’s not jealous of me, he’s jealous of the women.”
Pooch squinted and swallowed the hastily delivered drink. “What?”
Jensen moved closer and pointed at his notebook. Pooch glanced at it to find Mercedes’ name and general description scribbled down plus the date and name of the bar. Jensen tapped the page with his finger.
“Mercedes is the latest in a line of women where Cougar shows up and flirts so hard he’s impossible to resist.” He tapped the notebook again. “I started tracking the women and Cougar’s interruptions about 3 months ago. So far there have been 12 women where I had a more than 50% chance of getting some and then was blocked by Cougar.”
Pooch reached for the notebook and held it as if it would explain Jensen’s thinking. “So you think this proves what?”
“Cougar isn’t trying to keep me from the women, he’s trying to keep the women from me.”
Jensen beamed as if he’d just announced the solution to world peace. Pooch handed the notebook back. “How do you know this?”
The notebook was shaken as if it were a magic crystal ball. “Well, I don’t have all the data in here, it’s back on my computer, but I happen to know that of all these women, Cougar has only slept with three of them. And those three were pretty flirty with me and him.”
Pooch frowned. “Do I want to know how you know Cougar only had sex with three of them?“
Jensen looked shifty and waved a hand between them. “I don’t think you do, but that is besides the point.“ Pooch waited for the point. Jensen slapped the table hard. “He’s using his sexy ways as a diversion! He draws them away and then disappears alone into the night, only to be seen again once I lay my mack down.”
Pooch choked on his beer. “Please stop getting your slang from bad rap videos.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Anyway, what all this means, my dear Poochie, is that Cougar is hot for my body and wants to make sure the field is clear once he works his way up to making a play.”
Pooch knew he was drunk as hell when he nodded and said, “Okay, okay, what’s he waiting on?”
Jensen threw down his notebook. “That I do not know.” He frowned and bit his bottom lip. “Maybe he thinks I should make the first move. He’s a sniper. He’s used to waiting a long time for his target.” Jensen smoothed down his goatee. “Hmm, I could sit in his lap or just crawl into bed with him naked.” He blinked blearily at Pooch. “What do you think I should do? It’s been turning me on a lot since I discovered that Cougar is a genius with the long term planning of a visionary.”
Pooch knew he’d be hilariously pissed in the morning because he actually tried to use brain cells to help Jensen figure out how to get Cougar into bed. For Sex.
“Hmm, you should confront him with your proof. Then let him know how hot you think it all is, by the way it all sounds psychotic, but whatever, and,” Pooch tapped the table with his index finger, “then get naked.”
Jensen grinned big and they clinked their beer bottles together in agreement and gulped the last before they both stood up and swayed in place. Jensen clapped a hand on Pooch’s shoulder and they made their way out the bar and down the two blocks to the apartment where they were all staying.
Pooch actually giggled when they got in the apartment and Cougar was on the couch trying to act like he was watching some show when it was obvious he’d been waiting on them, or waiting on Jensen. It was very cute and Pooch planned to tease them about it at some point. He uncurled his arm from around Jensen’s shoulder and gave it a pat.
“There you go, tiger! Go get him!”
Pooch laughed at the goofy look on Jensen’s face and the intrigued look on Cougar’s. It was bedtime for him and he made his way to the bathroom and then his bedroom. He had no clue where Aisha and Clay were but he figured when he heard a bunch of fighting or the bed in Clay’s room started squeaking very loudly, he’d know they were home. His eyes closed on the thought that maybe his hangover wouldn’t be so bad.
~~
Pooch’s hangover was very bad. The slightest noise irritated him and the sun streaming in through the cheap blinds didn’t help at all. He groaned and then held his head as even that sound made him hurt. He made his way to the bathroom before shuffling into the kitchen for water and aspirin.
He swallowed the pills and wondered what the blue thing on the rug was. It took him longer than usual to realize it was Jensen’s shirt. It all came back to him; Jensen’s wacked out theory about Cougar and the girls. He hoped Cougar let him down gentle and realized how crazy his teasing was making Jensen.
Pooch decided to go back to bed and check on Jensen later. On the way to his room, Jensen’s door opened and Cougar stepped out, silent and quick. He nodded at Pooch and smirked before heading to the bathroom. Pooch paused by Jensen’s door and debated on opening it. His hand was on the doorknob but he pulled back at the last moment.
His head still hurt and whatever was in the room wasn’t something he thought he wanted to see. He stepped back in surprise when the door swung open and Jensen stuck his head out. His hair was a mess, his lips looked bruised, and there were hickey marks on his neck and chest. He blinked at Pooch and groaned. “How much did we drink last night?”
Pooch shushed him because Jensen’s voice sounded like he was shouting. Pooch eyed the marks on Jensen’s chest. “I can’t remember but I take it you explained things to Cougar.”
Jensen smiled like he’d won the lottery and leaned against the door frame. “Oh yeah, boy did I ever! I even broke out the graphs, then I took your advice and got naked.” Jensen smirked and Pooch determinedly ignored the hand Jensen ran down his own chest. “After my presentation and disrobing, he told me about all the hot and possibly illegal things he wanted to do to me and well…I’m sure you don’t want to hear about them.”
Pooch ran a hand over his head. “Exactly. Um, glad you got your man and all. I’m going back to bed and please don’t wake me with loud noises or suspicious sounds. Later!”
Pooch closed his own bedroom door and shuffled to the bed. He tried to figure out how he was the only married member of the team but the only one not getting laid.
End.
Fandom: The Losers
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Pooch POV on pre-Cougar/Jensen
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine and belong to someone with more money than me.
A/N: This is what happens when I tried to get into a drunk Jensen's head.
Summary: "It’s been turning me on a lot since I discovered that Cougar is a genius with the long term planning of a visionary.”
Pooch was tired and more than ready to go back to the hotel room. The bar wasn’t loud but he’d had a drink or three and he wasn’t looking for anything else this place had to offer. He was halfway to the exit when he spotted Jensen at a corner table. He veered right and plopped down in a chair.
“Man, I thought you left with um, Melissa?”
Jensen took a gulp of his beer. “Mercedes. Nahh, she left with Cougar.”
Pooch frowned. “Wasn’t she sitting in your lap earlier?”
Jensen nodded and took out a small notebook. “She was indeed. Then Cougar came along and said something hot and possibly illegal in Spanish and she dragged him out of here.” He pulled out a pen and started scribbling something while Pooch tried to ask a question without pissing Jensen off.
“Doesn’t that bother you?”
Jensen looked up at him and blinked. “What?”
“Cougar swooping in before you can seal the deal. We’ve all seen him do it and you never seem to get really mad.”
Jensen gestured at the waitress and held up two fingers. Moments later, two shot glasses filled with an amber liquid appeared on their tables. Jensen swallowed his in one gulp and hissed at the bite.
“It made me mad at first until I realized that Cougar’s jealous.”
Pooch grabbed his drink and gulped it down. He got the feeling he needed to be a little drunker for this conversation.
“He’s jealous? Of you? Bro, I don’t think he is but him always stealing your lady is not cool.” Pooch never figured Cougar for an asshole. They all played jokes and talked shit about each other, but if Cougar was continually cock blocking or stealing Jensen’s girls, that was wrong.
Jensen smirked and signaled the waitress for two more shots. “Oh, he’s not jealous of me, he’s jealous of the women.”
Pooch squinted and swallowed the hastily delivered drink. “What?”
Jensen moved closer and pointed at his notebook. Pooch glanced at it to find Mercedes’ name and general description scribbled down plus the date and name of the bar. Jensen tapped the page with his finger.
“Mercedes is the latest in a line of women where Cougar shows up and flirts so hard he’s impossible to resist.” He tapped the notebook again. “I started tracking the women and Cougar’s interruptions about 3 months ago. So far there have been 12 women where I had a more than 50% chance of getting some and then was blocked by Cougar.”
Pooch reached for the notebook and held it as if it would explain Jensen’s thinking. “So you think this proves what?”
“Cougar isn’t trying to keep me from the women, he’s trying to keep the women from me.”
Jensen beamed as if he’d just announced the solution to world peace. Pooch handed the notebook back. “How do you know this?”
The notebook was shaken as if it were a magic crystal ball. “Well, I don’t have all the data in here, it’s back on my computer, but I happen to know that of all these women, Cougar has only slept with three of them. And those three were pretty flirty with me and him.”
Pooch frowned. “Do I want to know how you know Cougar only had sex with three of them?“
Jensen looked shifty and waved a hand between them. “I don’t think you do, but that is besides the point.“ Pooch waited for the point. Jensen slapped the table hard. “He’s using his sexy ways as a diversion! He draws them away and then disappears alone into the night, only to be seen again once I lay my mack down.”
Pooch choked on his beer. “Please stop getting your slang from bad rap videos.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Anyway, what all this means, my dear Poochie, is that Cougar is hot for my body and wants to make sure the field is clear once he works his way up to making a play.”
Pooch knew he was drunk as hell when he nodded and said, “Okay, okay, what’s he waiting on?”
Jensen threw down his notebook. “That I do not know.” He frowned and bit his bottom lip. “Maybe he thinks I should make the first move. He’s a sniper. He’s used to waiting a long time for his target.” Jensen smoothed down his goatee. “Hmm, I could sit in his lap or just crawl into bed with him naked.” He blinked blearily at Pooch. “What do you think I should do? It’s been turning me on a lot since I discovered that Cougar is a genius with the long term planning of a visionary.”
Pooch knew he’d be hilariously pissed in the morning because he actually tried to use brain cells to help Jensen figure out how to get Cougar into bed. For Sex.
“Hmm, you should confront him with your proof. Then let him know how hot you think it all is, by the way it all sounds psychotic, but whatever, and,” Pooch tapped the table with his index finger, “then get naked.”
Jensen grinned big and they clinked their beer bottles together in agreement and gulped the last before they both stood up and swayed in place. Jensen clapped a hand on Pooch’s shoulder and they made their way out the bar and down the two blocks to the apartment where they were all staying.
Pooch actually giggled when they got in the apartment and Cougar was on the couch trying to act like he was watching some show when it was obvious he’d been waiting on them, or waiting on Jensen. It was very cute and Pooch planned to tease them about it at some point. He uncurled his arm from around Jensen’s shoulder and gave it a pat.
“There you go, tiger! Go get him!”
Pooch laughed at the goofy look on Jensen’s face and the intrigued look on Cougar’s. It was bedtime for him and he made his way to the bathroom and then his bedroom. He had no clue where Aisha and Clay were but he figured when he heard a bunch of fighting or the bed in Clay’s room started squeaking very loudly, he’d know they were home. His eyes closed on the thought that maybe his hangover wouldn’t be so bad.
~~
Pooch’s hangover was very bad. The slightest noise irritated him and the sun streaming in through the cheap blinds didn’t help at all. He groaned and then held his head as even that sound made him hurt. He made his way to the bathroom before shuffling into the kitchen for water and aspirin.
He swallowed the pills and wondered what the blue thing on the rug was. It took him longer than usual to realize it was Jensen’s shirt. It all came back to him; Jensen’s wacked out theory about Cougar and the girls. He hoped Cougar let him down gentle and realized how crazy his teasing was making Jensen.
Pooch decided to go back to bed and check on Jensen later. On the way to his room, Jensen’s door opened and Cougar stepped out, silent and quick. He nodded at Pooch and smirked before heading to the bathroom. Pooch paused by Jensen’s door and debated on opening it. His hand was on the doorknob but he pulled back at the last moment.
His head still hurt and whatever was in the room wasn’t something he thought he wanted to see. He stepped back in surprise when the door swung open and Jensen stuck his head out. His hair was a mess, his lips looked bruised, and there were hickey marks on his neck and chest. He blinked at Pooch and groaned. “How much did we drink last night?”
Pooch shushed him because Jensen’s voice sounded like he was shouting. Pooch eyed the marks on Jensen’s chest. “I can’t remember but I take it you explained things to Cougar.”
Jensen smiled like he’d won the lottery and leaned against the door frame. “Oh yeah, boy did I ever! I even broke out the graphs, then I took your advice and got naked.” Jensen smirked and Pooch determinedly ignored the hand Jensen ran down his own chest. “After my presentation and disrobing, he told me about all the hot and possibly illegal things he wanted to do to me and well…I’m sure you don’t want to hear about them.”
Pooch ran a hand over his head. “Exactly. Um, glad you got your man and all. I’m going back to bed and please don’t wake me with loud noises or suspicious sounds. Later!”
Pooch closed his own bedroom door and shuffled to the bed. He tried to figure out how he was the only married member of the team but the only one not getting laid.
End.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-07-05 08:06 pm (UTC)I am in love with Cougar/Jensen, especially the Jensen-Pooch friendship, just hilarious. Best part of this is definitely these lines: "Oh yeah, boy did I ever! I even broke out the graphs, then I took your advice and got naked.” Jensen smirked and Pooch determinedly ignored the hand Jensen ran down his own chest. “After my presentation and disrobing, he told me about all the hot and possibly illegal things he wanted to do to me"
:D
no subject
Date: 2010-07-06 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-06 05:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 04:30 am (UTC)CC