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kelly_girlTitle: Let the bodies hit the floor, part two
Fandom: Losers
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Cougar/Jensen
Genre: Zombie Apocalypse
Spoilers: Yes, for the movie
Warnings: It's the end of the world. Bad things happen.
A/N: Big thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cougars_catnip for the excellent beta skills. Thank you for the advice,tips, and encouragement.
Summary: Sometimes the zombies are not the worse part of a zombie apocalypse.
When we last left our intrepid heroes...
At first, Jensen didn’t know what he was staring at. He was bent over, resting his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath when drops of blood appeared on the ground in front of him. He slowly looked up and there stood Cougar, a hand over the bite mark on his arm.
The world stopped and Jensen read the worry and fear in his lover’s eyes. Clay and Aisha stood behind Cougar and Jensen knew by the looks on their faces they’d seen the bite too. Clay’s eyes were sad but determined. Cougar just kept looking at him like he knew Jensen was about to tilt over a cliff into madness.
“Ha sido un viaje divertido.” #It’s been a fun ride.#
Jensen found himself on his knees, no clue how he’d gotten there, his earlier lunch decorating the cracked asphalt. Clay was talking to Cougar, his voice low and regretful. Pooch had joined them at some point and he stood next to Aisha. He looked like he was in pain, while Aisha had the threat of death in her eyes. Jensen wiped his mouth and watched Clay approach him.
Clay bent down, one hand on Jensen’s shoulder. His voice was deep but soft. “Jensen, Cougar and I are going to go for a walk. You need to…you need to say goodbye.”
Jensen shook his head and closed his eyes. No fucking way.
Clay continued talking. “We don’t know how fast it’s going to spread. You should say something now.”
Clay stepped back as Jensen stood up. He looked at his friends and smiled. It was a small smile but it confused them enough to give him time to aim his M9 at Pooch and Aisha. He pulled his second favorite gun, a Smith and Wesson that had once belonged to a crafty Honduran General, and aimed it at Clay.
Jensen met Cougar’s eyes but responded to the Colonel. “I can’t do that, boss.” He pulled the trigger and Aisha barely flinched at the bullet that hit the ground in front of her. “Don’t move because if I shoot you, it won’t be in your arm.”
Cougar stood halfway between Jensen and Aisha and Pooch. Clay was next to Cougar. Jensen gestured at his former commander. “Move over there with them and everyone put your guns down.”
Pooch put his down first. “Jay, man, look…”
Jensen shook his head and cut him off. “What if it was Jolene? Or Thomas?” He licked his lips and talked fast. He knew the people he worked with and they’d try something sooner rather than later. “There’s been some rumors out there of a cure. The CDC isn’t far from here or a hospital, something. I have to try.”
Cougar shifted and gripped his bloody arm harder. “Jake.”
Jensen snarled. “No! No! You don’t get a choice, Cougs! You don’t. You have something of mine and I can’t get it back, even if I wanted to, so you shut up and listen to your super genius boyfriend.” Jensen’s face was wet, but he didn’t care. He whispered, “Please, I gotta try.”
Cougar sighed and nodded his head, giving permission for whatever Jensen decided to do. Jensen started walking backwards. “Follow me.”
A few feet away, Clay called out. “What if you can’t find a cure?”
Jensen paused and looked at the only commander he’d ever respected. “Then we don’t come back.” He looked at Pooch. “Take care of Mackenzie and Linda for me.”
Pooch nodded, his eyes suspiciously bright. Aisha nodded at him, respect for his decision in her eyes. Jensen kept walking until he turned a corner. He wanted to grab Cougar’s hand and pull him along, but they’d determined early on that touching an infected person was not a good idea.
It took him an hour, but he found a car with enough gas. Cougar didn’t say anything through the search and Jensen appreciated it. Once they were on the road and away from the rest of the team, Jensen spoke.
“I know you don’t agree but if I don’t try, then I might as well just put a bullet in my brain. I love you and I think we can beat this. My medic training means I‘m ahead of the game and I wasn‘t just blowing smoke about that cure. There‘s this one doctor, cool Russian guy and he‘s close. Last time I talked to him he said he was ready to start testing soon.”
He was talking too much, trying to convince not just Cougar but himself. After a few miles Jensen pulled over and called up the info he had saved. There was a clinic fifteen miles away that hopefully still had what he needed.
~
Jensen dodged the wrecked and abandoned cars around them, looked out for revenants, and tried to make sure his friends were not following. When he pulled up, the clinic was locked up tight. It took Jensen less than three minutes to break in. Inside there were MRI machines, X-ray machines and best of all, a hematology lab.
Jensen was in no way a doctor but he’d been studying up on the cause and effect of viruses. He’d read everything he could find on disease, past plagues, possible plagues, and this one that had finally taken down most of the human race. They didn’t even know how many people were dead, but it was enough to throw the entire globe into chaos.
He’d joined in online forums with the doctors and scientists that were left. He’d read the arguments and agreements and memorized their theories and possible conclusions. Two weeks ago a few doctors had stated that a recently changed revenant could be changed back to a fully functioning human but it had to start with the blood.
Inside the building, Cougar looked around before sitting down in the waiting room. Jensen went to the lab and checked the equipment. There was a generator like he’d gambled that there would be. It would save him time since he didn’t have to go out and find one and hook it up. He got to work familiarizing himself with the machines and the data they produced.
There was a timer in his head and each tick of the clock took Cougar further away from him. He knew that in order to save his partner he’d have to cut corners. Jensen went back to the waiting room. Cougar was still sitting there quiet and docile. Usually Cougar was quite but he’d never been docile. Jensen started to talk.
“I figure sleep and food are going to be small issues. I have a list of stuff I need from you once this machine is initialized.”
Jensen finished exploring the clinic and found a room with an observational window. It also had a lock though he didn’t know if it would hold Cougar. It all depended on how fast and how deep the virus affected him. He checked the ‘net to see if any new information was out there on healing someone with a bite.
He posted his problem to three different message boards and ignored the immediate advice to kill his partner. Some were blunt, others were sympathetic, but none had what he needed. He figured the doctors would chime in later, but he couldn’t wait. He tracked down what he considered the top ten people who knew what they were talking about and emailed them.
Two hours later, Jensen came out of research mode and tracked down Cougar. He was in the same room dozing uncomfortably in the chairs. Jensen could tell without even touching him that he had a fever. He was pale too and Jensen had to bite his bottom lip hard to keep from crying. Jensen got closer, one gloved hand on Cougar’s shoulder woke his lover up with is usual quickness. Jensen smiled. “Hey, I need some blood and heh, a urine sample. Too bad it’s not a sperm sample, huh?”
Cougar grimaced at his bad joke and got up. He followed where Jensen led and Jensen got what the needed. Jensen showed Cougar the room he’d picked out. He’d dragged a couch, and a hospital bed into the room to try and give Cougar options. He’d also found a net book. He’d downloaded some of Cougar’s favorite movies onto it to give the sniper something to occupy his time.
Jensen got to work after finding some cereal and granola bars in the small kitchen. The fridge was off but the water and soft drinks stored in the closet were okay. There was also a large crate of instant soup and he wondered if someone had been planning on coming back to hide. He put the unknown people out of his mind and concentrated on Cougar’s blood and urine samples. He wasn’t sure he needed the urine one but he’d got it just in case.
It didn’t take him long to realize he needed something to compare and contrast Cougar’s samples with. So Jensen drew his own blood and pissed in a cup. At another point in time he might have laughed about it. He started the test that would detect any anomalies in their blood.
Later that night, he pulled out his laptop and turned it on, there was a big blinking email notification button. He reluctantly opened the email he knew was from his sister. The message said two things; ’How can I help?’ and ’You and Cougar better come back.’
Jensen smiled at the message, something in his chest squeezing tight at the thought of leaving his sister and niece alone in this new harsher world, but he knew his team and just like he’d die for them, they’d die for his family. His sister had every right to be angry at him for choosing Cougar, but for him it hadn’t been a choice.
Everything in him that made him Jake Jensen saw no other choice unless he’d wanted to wait until one of the others killed Cougar. Then Jensen would have just killed himself. This way they had a chance. It was a small sliver of chance but they were Losers and it was enough.
He emailed his sister the information he’d gathered and went to check the machines. A few were almost ready, so he went to check on Cougar. Through the window, he watched Cougar sleep, his face solemn and peaceful under the ever present hat. As much as Jensen wanted to go in and climb in that bed he had to stay sharp and more importantly, not get infected. After this was all over he’d strip Cougar down and they’d spend a weekend somewhere doing very kinky things to each other.
Jensen worked through the night, trying to decipher the information he was given and when he didn’t understand, turning to the computer. He had two medical dictionaries open and chats going on with three different specialists, one that spoke only Russian. After all the negative bullshit thrown at him, he finally typed in giant letters, IF YOU ARE NOT HERE TO HELP, GET THE FUCK OUT. That helped a little and bonus, it made him feel better. A loud thump brought Jensen out of his haze. He grabbed his gun and made his way to Cougar’s room.
The room looked okay and Cougar was lying on the couch, his hat over his face. Jensen knocked on the window and tried not to react when Cougar lifted the hat up. His lips were redder, his eyes sunken into his skull and his hair a dry, brittle mess. Jensen pressed his lips together, despair and determination at battle in his brain. He touched the glass as if it could transfer his warmth to Cougar. Cougar stared at him for a few more minutes before he lowered the hat.
Jensen returned to the lab and tried to concentrate and get the picture of Cougar’s deteriorating look out of his mind. An hour later he poured soup down his throat and staggered to one of the chairs in the lab for a nap. He set the alarm for two hours and closed his eyes.
The alarm went off and Jensen checked to see if he’d set it wrong but no, it’d been two hours. He checked tests and the results gave him a distant quiver of hope. His blood contained something Cougar’s was missing, something that all the plague victims had lost before they turned into carnivorous cannibals.
The Russian doctor who’s research he was working from had mentioned this, so Jensen tried to email him. He didn’t get a response right away so he asked some other scientists about his theory. They were cautious but slowly agreed it could work, maybe, possibly. He knew they were trying, especially when a Dr. Munson sent him an email.
**Give me background on your partner. Any dietary or medical problems. How about his family? I want Food allergies, favorite foods, what’s he’s been eating since this shitstorm started months ago, then give me the same for you and all your friends.***
Jensen cracked his knuckles and gave the man a rundown of what he knew about Cougar, then his friends and their family history and eating habits. He saved himself for last.
**What good will this do?**
Dr. Munson’s email pinged back at him merrily. **It can’t hurt.**
Two hours later Jensen got a reply from the Russian doctor. He yawned and scratched his scalp while reading the email. Dr. Utinov’s instructions looked like a cake recipe. One part this and two parts that, sift and combine before injecting into your boyfriend. It was a desperate last move, one that he took after knocking Cougar out with a tazer and tying him down. Afterwards Jensen prayed like he hadn’t prayed in a very long time. He set up an IV for fluids since he suspected Cougar might be a little dehydrated.
An hour after the first injection, Cougar opened his eyes and screamed. Jensen hugged himself tightly, fingers digging into his skin and blood welling up in crescent shaped marks as Cougar struggled and jerked against the bonds that held him down. He’d never wanted anything more than to run in and hold Cougar. But he had to stay out here and observe like a good little scientist.
Jensen was pissed at himself for doing this to Cougar, at Cougar for getting bit, and at the person, the scientist, who made this shit. He’d always known those fuckers were creepy. Did some doctor do what he was doing right now before the plague had gotten out, put it in someone and recorded the effects? He shook his head. There was no use thinking about that. He’d go back and change it all if he could but he couldn’t.
He just wanted to save one man and even if it hurt Cougar, he’d do what was needed. Dr. Utinov theorized that at least two more shots would be needed. Jensen had agreed to give him progress reports.
Once Cougar stopped moving, Jensen watched and sighed in relief at the small movement of the sniper’s chest as it rose and fell. He didn’t trust his judgment but his lover did look better.
Since knowing Cougar’s state of mind was part of the treatment he needed to ask Cougar some questions, so he hung around outside the room until his lover’s eyelids fluttered open.
Jensen opened the door and stood in the doorway for a moment before cautiously moving closer to take blood pressure readings. Cougar was tied down but they’d all seen how strong revenants could be. He listened to heart and lungs with a stethoscope and got more blood. He had no clue what it should show, but he’d run it through the machines.
“Hey. How do you feel?”
Cougar seemed to think about it. Then he shrugged. “Better.”
Jensen laughed. “Any urge to feast on my brains and fantastic body?”
The joke fell flat because as soon as the question was out of his mouth, Cougar only stared, something like desire flickering in his eyes. All Jensen could think was this was the way a wolf looked at sheep or a lion looked at a gazelle; seeing nothing but meat and bone, something made to satiate him and screw the rest.
He slammed the door to the room closed and sat down outside of it. His heart was beating fast and he was scared. Not that Cougar would suddenly attack him, but that they couldn’t beat this thing, that in the end he’d have to decide between killing Cougar and getting back to the others, or killing Cougar and then killing himself.
Jensen finally stood up and looked at Cougar through the window. He was asleep and it didn’t look like he’d tried to break the straps that held him down. That was different and Jensen held on to that. The other revenants were like wild animals, only appearing less crazed right after eating. Then they looked almost human, some having a remnant of cunning in their gaze.
Jensen reported the effects to the group of doctors all awaiting his results. He gave them all the information he had so far. If this failed, maybe it would still help the researchers. He had no illusions, not anymore, that there was only the slimmest of chances that he would cure Cougar or even if the cure worked that the side effects wouldn’t damage Cougar some other way.
A second injection went like the first, with Cougar having no reaction at first and then once it was really in his system, moaning and tossing back and forth. It seemed less of a shock to his system than the first batch. He was on his way back to the lab when Cougar opened his eyes and stared at him. Jensen frowned. He looked good but again, his judgment was not the best one to determine that. He’d wait a bit and take more readings.
The next set of readings showed the same numbers for blood pressure, and heart and lungs still sounded great.
There were several theories circulating that the stronger zombies were becoming something less mindless. Like he’d told that dumb ass at Walmart, they were evolving, the ones that survived becoming more aware and smarter than just running full out towards the nearest human. People argued that the zombies would eventually die, others said the slower ones would, but the others that consumed the most would survive, either needing less food or more. Jensen agreed with the smart zombie concept just because as far fetched as it seemed, the human body and mind were funny things.
After he emailed his findings, he kept his despair to himself. He was sure the other people all around the world didn’t see this as working but the steps had to be taken to get to an actual cure.
The soft beeping of an alarm woke Jensen up. He turned off the alarm and prepared the final syringe for Cougar. Dr. U’s little suggested cocktail program was almost over.
Cougar was awake when Jensen entered the room. He studied Jensen as Jensen studied him back. Skin color was back to normal. Hair didn’t look as bad as it had. Eyes no longer sunken into the skin. Lips were chapped but no longer some scary red color.
Jensen gestured at the water bottle he carried. “Want some water?”
Cougar nodded and didn’t make a fuss as Jensen held it up to his lips. Neither one of them mentioned that Jensen shouldn’t be that close to Cougar’s mouth. After he drank his fill, Cougar nodded at the awaiting needle. Jensen injected him and smiled with what he hoped was confidence. “This is the last one. Dr. Utinov thinks this will work. It’s been refined from a few other treatments he and some other doctors tried.”
Jensen wiped the injected spot with alcohol and patted Cougar’s arm. “I’m going to check a few more things then come back and watch some movies with you if you feel up to it, okay?”
He loved the way Cougar smiled at him, relief and worry mixed up together. Jensen imagined he must have the same look on his own face.
Jensen looked over previous results and typed up his conclusions which mostly consisted of what he thought was happening. He paused to think about something and in minutes he was asleep.
~
In thirty minutes Jensen was ready to watch some movies. He’d even found some microwave popcorn packs squirreled away in someone’s desk drawer. Before opening the door he looked through the observation window out of habit. His stomach clenched in fear at seeing the bed turned over and no sign of Cougar. His hands shook as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.
Cougar’s body was under the bed, one of the straps that held him down, broken. He was on his stomach and his body was shivering. Jensen pulled him over onto his back and winced at the blood that poured out of Cougar’s eyes, nose and mouth. Just as Jensen tried to feel his head for a fever, Cougar’s back arched and he screamed while blood sprayed out of his mouth.
Jensen tried to comfort him but didn’t know what to do but keep holding on. He used the stethoscope that had become an accessory to check Cougar’s heart. It beat fast and steady and Cougar showed no signs of skin degradation, something that every revenant had in common.
Jensen wiped at the blood and dodged a flying fist. It looked involuntary and Jensen hoped this was some type of flushing of Cougar’s system and not death throws. He knew Dr. U’s treatment wasn’t a 100% or even 50% but it was the closest to a cure.
Cougar’s body stopped struggling and Jensen sobbed. The other man wasn’t breathing and Jensen wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. He kept holding Cougar and didn’t let go. When Cougar gasped and inhaled, Jensen let go, not knowing if this was really Cougar or a revenant. He’d watched reports on the way they got back up after seeming dead and this didn’t look like those people.
Cougar rolled a few feet away and coughed. Then he coughed again and wiped at the blood on his face. Then he looked at Jensen and gave him the barest hint of a smile.
Jensen scooted closer.
“How do you feel?”
Cougar wiped his sticky, bloody hand on his pants though there was too much around them for that to actually work. He shrugged. “Normal.”
Jensen checked his heart and blood pressure again. His heart sounded good while his blood pressure was up a little but nothing alarming. He stood up and offered a hand to Cougar who took it after a moment. He let go of Cougar’s hand and headed for the door, eager to report his findings to Dr. Utinov and the others.
Something made him turn around.
Cougar’s teeth looked sharp like broken glass and his fingers ended in jagged fingernails. Jensen managed to duck the first swipe but the second one got him on the chest, blood immediately welling up to spill and drip onto the floor. Jensen got to the door but stopped. The Cougar in front of him wasn’t his Cougar. He let the thing come closer, its growls almost hypnotizing. A bony finger wiped a tear from his cheek before a burning sensation flashed across his throat. Jensen grabbed his own neck but he knew it was a fatal cut, blood rushing over his hands faster and faster while the thing wearing Cougar’s face watched.
Jensen sank to the floor and the last thing he saw was Cougar’s face closing in, teeth ready to rip him apart.
~
Jensen sat up in his chair so quickly it tilted over, spilling him onto the floor. His own gurgling groan had woken him up from that very realistic nightmare. He scrubbed at his face with his hands and was glad no one was around to see him check his throat. He grabbed the clipboard he’d been using and saw his notes about the third injection. So that part had happened. He checked the time and saw that he’d been asleep for three hours.
Looking in on Cougar, Jensen breathed a sigh of relief. There was no overturned bed and no blood and no Cougar ready to kill him. Through the window he watched Cougar sleep. His lover looked restful for the first time since he’d been bitten.
After a few minutes, Jensen opened the door and checked Cougar’s heart and blood pressure and tried to forget his dream. He nudged and patted Cougar’s arm until the man woke up and looked at him. Jensen held up a cup. “Guess what?”
Cougar’s groan and heartfelt curse made Jensen laugh. He took the blood with the quickness and care of an expert. Cougar didn’t need help to the bathroom so Jensen stayed in the room and waited. Once he had what he needed, he headed for the door. “I’ll be back in a bit. Sorry about earlier, I fell asleep.”
“I did too. Felt good.”
Jensen put the machines to work analyzing Cougar’s blood and urine and nervously waited for the results. He hoped they looked more like his blood and urine. Something similar with the absence of whatever it was that made Cougar’s body crave blood and other things.
He left the machines doing what they did and went back to sit with Cougar. They watched ‘Rear Window,’ and talked about Alfred Hitchcock’s movies. Near the beginning of ‘To Catch a Thief,’ Jensen looked over at Cougar to mention how hot Cary Grant had been but the words never made it past his lips.
Cougar was asleep and he looked so peaceful and healthy that the overwhelming doubt he’d carried since he’d pulled his gun on his friends began to dissipate. Jensen knew it would hurt to feel this way then lose Cougar but it’s been their life for so long anyway. He could lose this, his everything, so easily in a thousand different ways.
This plague was just another thing for them to beat like all the other adversaries they’d met and defeated. They were always the underdogs, the ones labeled ‘freak’ or ‘different,’ ‘hard to control,’ a bunch of losers.
There was another label people forgot, another way to describe them that people didn‘t realize; survivors. You could argue their methods, the things they’d seen and wish they hadn’t, the pain and scrabble to keep breathing but they’d done it, one breath at a time, more times than any of them could count. They were still here and that meant there was a chance.
Jensen felt his eyelids grow heavy and struggle to get up and go check on the tests, see if Dr. Utinov had emailed him. Something inside him told him to just lay there and enjoy the warmth of Cougar’s body and it’d all work out in the wash. The voice sounded like Kenny Rogers and Jensen was okay with that.
This time when Jensen woke up, he didn’t remember his dreams, but he felt good. Cougar was still asleep and Jensen decided to take a quick sink bath in the bathroom. Water was a precious, precious thing these days so he only used two bottles of the case he’d found with the rest of the supplies.
There were eight emails waiting on him. Two from his sister wanting a progress report and one from the Colonel. He gave Linda a quick update and then emailed Clay. He kept that one short too. He apologized for the whole gun thing and told him everything was going good, that Cougar wasn’t feverish or deteriorating physically. He got an instant reply from the Colonel which read, ‘Don’t have sex with him yet.‘
Jensen was tempted to point out that he wasn’t the one that used to regularly date people that wanted to kill him, but he didn’t send that email. He typed it, but didn’t send it. He was going to take the high road and be smug about it by himself.
He studied the lab results and sent them off to the various doctors. They looked promising from all that he’d learned over the past few days and the past few months.
It wasn’t until Noon, right after he got Cougar to eat some Ramen noodles that Dr. U sent him an email. Jensen barely kept from jumping up and down as Dr. U gave him his long distance consult that in his opinion, Cougar was cured. Every plague victim had either died permanently by now or changed to a revenant.
Cougar’s blood work differed from the first sample and Dr. U named something with sixteen letters as being the main differing component. He did advise they stay at the clinic for at least another week and that Jensen continue to monitor Cougar daily during that time, with blood work in another two days to see if it remained similar.
Jensen stopped dancing long enough to fire off another email agreeing to the terms and forwarding the doc’s last email to Clay and his sister. Then he danced around some more as he went to tell Cougar the very good news.
Cougar smiled when Jensen burst in and delivered the verdict. There was a look on his face that spoke volumes. It said that Jensen was amazing and the best thing in the world. Then Cougar said, “I can barely believe it. Thank you.”
Jensen kissed Cougar on the cheek briefly before standing back up to punch the air in victory. “We kicked this virus’s ass, man! It picked the wrong cowboy slash sniper slash ex soldier to fuck with! And the wrong genius slash hacker slash boyfriend of previously mentioned sniper.”
Jensen jumped up on the bed with Cougar and slung an arm around his shoulders. “You know what this means, right?”
Cougar smirked and shook his head. Jensen smiled. “Sex in seven days man! If all goes well, I plan to strip naked, strip you naked, and then let you fuck me until I can’t speak. We’ll call it a stamina and endurance test.”
Cougar laughed out loud and Jensen hugged him tighter, determined that since they’d made it through this, they’d make it through the rest that life was ready to throw at them. With the information he’d sent to various doctors it was possible a cure could be found and some semblance of civilization could be restored.
He’d seen the worst of mankind before the plague and afterwards not much had surprised him, but that didn’t mean he wanted his niece to grow up with all this mess. He wondered how long it would take him to convince Clay they needed a giant fence so they could turn their house and acreage into a compound. They were bound to find more people eventually. They could make a village! Then make it bigger. Jensen told Cougar his ideas and his belief that at some point in the future he would get to create a city and name it ‘Loserville.’
End
Fandom: Losers
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Cougar/Jensen
Genre: Zombie Apocalypse
Spoilers: Yes, for the movie
Warnings: It's the end of the world. Bad things happen.
A/N: Big thanks to
cougars_catnip for the excellent beta skills. Thank you for the advice,tips, and encouragement.Summary: Sometimes the zombies are not the worse part of a zombie apocalypse.
When we last left our intrepid heroes...
At first, Jensen didn’t know what he was staring at. He was bent over, resting his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath when drops of blood appeared on the ground in front of him. He slowly looked up and there stood Cougar, a hand over the bite mark on his arm.
The world stopped and Jensen read the worry and fear in his lover’s eyes. Clay and Aisha stood behind Cougar and Jensen knew by the looks on their faces they’d seen the bite too. Clay’s eyes were sad but determined. Cougar just kept looking at him like he knew Jensen was about to tilt over a cliff into madness.
“Ha sido un viaje divertido.” #It’s been a fun ride.#
Jensen found himself on his knees, no clue how he’d gotten there, his earlier lunch decorating the cracked asphalt. Clay was talking to Cougar, his voice low and regretful. Pooch had joined them at some point and he stood next to Aisha. He looked like he was in pain, while Aisha had the threat of death in her eyes. Jensen wiped his mouth and watched Clay approach him.
Clay bent down, one hand on Jensen’s shoulder. His voice was deep but soft. “Jensen, Cougar and I are going to go for a walk. You need to…you need to say goodbye.”
Jensen shook his head and closed his eyes. No fucking way.
Clay continued talking. “We don’t know how fast it’s going to spread. You should say something now.”
Clay stepped back as Jensen stood up. He looked at his friends and smiled. It was a small smile but it confused them enough to give him time to aim his M9 at Pooch and Aisha. He pulled his second favorite gun, a Smith and Wesson that had once belonged to a crafty Honduran General, and aimed it at Clay.
Jensen met Cougar’s eyes but responded to the Colonel. “I can’t do that, boss.” He pulled the trigger and Aisha barely flinched at the bullet that hit the ground in front of her. “Don’t move because if I shoot you, it won’t be in your arm.”
Cougar stood halfway between Jensen and Aisha and Pooch. Clay was next to Cougar. Jensen gestured at his former commander. “Move over there with them and everyone put your guns down.”
Pooch put his down first. “Jay, man, look…”
Jensen shook his head and cut him off. “What if it was Jolene? Or Thomas?” He licked his lips and talked fast. He knew the people he worked with and they’d try something sooner rather than later. “There’s been some rumors out there of a cure. The CDC isn’t far from here or a hospital, something. I have to try.”
Cougar shifted and gripped his bloody arm harder. “Jake.”
Jensen snarled. “No! No! You don’t get a choice, Cougs! You don’t. You have something of mine and I can’t get it back, even if I wanted to, so you shut up and listen to your super genius boyfriend.” Jensen’s face was wet, but he didn’t care. He whispered, “Please, I gotta try.”
Cougar sighed and nodded his head, giving permission for whatever Jensen decided to do. Jensen started walking backwards. “Follow me.”
A few feet away, Clay called out. “What if you can’t find a cure?”
Jensen paused and looked at the only commander he’d ever respected. “Then we don’t come back.” He looked at Pooch. “Take care of Mackenzie and Linda for me.”
Pooch nodded, his eyes suspiciously bright. Aisha nodded at him, respect for his decision in her eyes. Jensen kept walking until he turned a corner. He wanted to grab Cougar’s hand and pull him along, but they’d determined early on that touching an infected person was not a good idea.
It took him an hour, but he found a car with enough gas. Cougar didn’t say anything through the search and Jensen appreciated it. Once they were on the road and away from the rest of the team, Jensen spoke.
“I know you don’t agree but if I don’t try, then I might as well just put a bullet in my brain. I love you and I think we can beat this. My medic training means I‘m ahead of the game and I wasn‘t just blowing smoke about that cure. There‘s this one doctor, cool Russian guy and he‘s close. Last time I talked to him he said he was ready to start testing soon.”
He was talking too much, trying to convince not just Cougar but himself. After a few miles Jensen pulled over and called up the info he had saved. There was a clinic fifteen miles away that hopefully still had what he needed.
~
Jensen dodged the wrecked and abandoned cars around them, looked out for revenants, and tried to make sure his friends were not following. When he pulled up, the clinic was locked up tight. It took Jensen less than three minutes to break in. Inside there were MRI machines, X-ray machines and best of all, a hematology lab.
Jensen was in no way a doctor but he’d been studying up on the cause and effect of viruses. He’d read everything he could find on disease, past plagues, possible plagues, and this one that had finally taken down most of the human race. They didn’t even know how many people were dead, but it was enough to throw the entire globe into chaos.
He’d joined in online forums with the doctors and scientists that were left. He’d read the arguments and agreements and memorized their theories and possible conclusions. Two weeks ago a few doctors had stated that a recently changed revenant could be changed back to a fully functioning human but it had to start with the blood.
Inside the building, Cougar looked around before sitting down in the waiting room. Jensen went to the lab and checked the equipment. There was a generator like he’d gambled that there would be. It would save him time since he didn’t have to go out and find one and hook it up. He got to work familiarizing himself with the machines and the data they produced.
There was a timer in his head and each tick of the clock took Cougar further away from him. He knew that in order to save his partner he’d have to cut corners. Jensen went back to the waiting room. Cougar was still sitting there quiet and docile. Usually Cougar was quite but he’d never been docile. Jensen started to talk.
“I figure sleep and food are going to be small issues. I have a list of stuff I need from you once this machine is initialized.”
Jensen finished exploring the clinic and found a room with an observational window. It also had a lock though he didn’t know if it would hold Cougar. It all depended on how fast and how deep the virus affected him. He checked the ‘net to see if any new information was out there on healing someone with a bite.
He posted his problem to three different message boards and ignored the immediate advice to kill his partner. Some were blunt, others were sympathetic, but none had what he needed. He figured the doctors would chime in later, but he couldn’t wait. He tracked down what he considered the top ten people who knew what they were talking about and emailed them.
Two hours later, Jensen came out of research mode and tracked down Cougar. He was in the same room dozing uncomfortably in the chairs. Jensen could tell without even touching him that he had a fever. He was pale too and Jensen had to bite his bottom lip hard to keep from crying. Jensen got closer, one gloved hand on Cougar’s shoulder woke his lover up with is usual quickness. Jensen smiled. “Hey, I need some blood and heh, a urine sample. Too bad it’s not a sperm sample, huh?”
Cougar grimaced at his bad joke and got up. He followed where Jensen led and Jensen got what the needed. Jensen showed Cougar the room he’d picked out. He’d dragged a couch, and a hospital bed into the room to try and give Cougar options. He’d also found a net book. He’d downloaded some of Cougar’s favorite movies onto it to give the sniper something to occupy his time.
Jensen got to work after finding some cereal and granola bars in the small kitchen. The fridge was off but the water and soft drinks stored in the closet were okay. There was also a large crate of instant soup and he wondered if someone had been planning on coming back to hide. He put the unknown people out of his mind and concentrated on Cougar’s blood and urine samples. He wasn’t sure he needed the urine one but he’d got it just in case.
It didn’t take him long to realize he needed something to compare and contrast Cougar’s samples with. So Jensen drew his own blood and pissed in a cup. At another point in time he might have laughed about it. He started the test that would detect any anomalies in their blood.
Later that night, he pulled out his laptop and turned it on, there was a big blinking email notification button. He reluctantly opened the email he knew was from his sister. The message said two things; ’How can I help?’ and ’You and Cougar better come back.’
Jensen smiled at the message, something in his chest squeezing tight at the thought of leaving his sister and niece alone in this new harsher world, but he knew his team and just like he’d die for them, they’d die for his family. His sister had every right to be angry at him for choosing Cougar, but for him it hadn’t been a choice.
Everything in him that made him Jake Jensen saw no other choice unless he’d wanted to wait until one of the others killed Cougar. Then Jensen would have just killed himself. This way they had a chance. It was a small sliver of chance but they were Losers and it was enough.
He emailed his sister the information he’d gathered and went to check the machines. A few were almost ready, so he went to check on Cougar. Through the window, he watched Cougar sleep, his face solemn and peaceful under the ever present hat. As much as Jensen wanted to go in and climb in that bed he had to stay sharp and more importantly, not get infected. After this was all over he’d strip Cougar down and they’d spend a weekend somewhere doing very kinky things to each other.
Jensen worked through the night, trying to decipher the information he was given and when he didn’t understand, turning to the computer. He had two medical dictionaries open and chats going on with three different specialists, one that spoke only Russian. After all the negative bullshit thrown at him, he finally typed in giant letters, IF YOU ARE NOT HERE TO HELP, GET THE FUCK OUT. That helped a little and bonus, it made him feel better. A loud thump brought Jensen out of his haze. He grabbed his gun and made his way to Cougar’s room.
The room looked okay and Cougar was lying on the couch, his hat over his face. Jensen knocked on the window and tried not to react when Cougar lifted the hat up. His lips were redder, his eyes sunken into his skull and his hair a dry, brittle mess. Jensen pressed his lips together, despair and determination at battle in his brain. He touched the glass as if it could transfer his warmth to Cougar. Cougar stared at him for a few more minutes before he lowered the hat.
Jensen returned to the lab and tried to concentrate and get the picture of Cougar’s deteriorating look out of his mind. An hour later he poured soup down his throat and staggered to one of the chairs in the lab for a nap. He set the alarm for two hours and closed his eyes.
The alarm went off and Jensen checked to see if he’d set it wrong but no, it’d been two hours. He checked tests and the results gave him a distant quiver of hope. His blood contained something Cougar’s was missing, something that all the plague victims had lost before they turned into carnivorous cannibals.
The Russian doctor who’s research he was working from had mentioned this, so Jensen tried to email him. He didn’t get a response right away so he asked some other scientists about his theory. They were cautious but slowly agreed it could work, maybe, possibly. He knew they were trying, especially when a Dr. Munson sent him an email.
**Give me background on your partner. Any dietary or medical problems. How about his family? I want Food allergies, favorite foods, what’s he’s been eating since this shitstorm started months ago, then give me the same for you and all your friends.***
Jensen cracked his knuckles and gave the man a rundown of what he knew about Cougar, then his friends and their family history and eating habits. He saved himself for last.
**What good will this do?**
Dr. Munson’s email pinged back at him merrily. **It can’t hurt.**
Two hours later Jensen got a reply from the Russian doctor. He yawned and scratched his scalp while reading the email. Dr. Utinov’s instructions looked like a cake recipe. One part this and two parts that, sift and combine before injecting into your boyfriend. It was a desperate last move, one that he took after knocking Cougar out with a tazer and tying him down. Afterwards Jensen prayed like he hadn’t prayed in a very long time. He set up an IV for fluids since he suspected Cougar might be a little dehydrated.
An hour after the first injection, Cougar opened his eyes and screamed. Jensen hugged himself tightly, fingers digging into his skin and blood welling up in crescent shaped marks as Cougar struggled and jerked against the bonds that held him down. He’d never wanted anything more than to run in and hold Cougar. But he had to stay out here and observe like a good little scientist.
Jensen was pissed at himself for doing this to Cougar, at Cougar for getting bit, and at the person, the scientist, who made this shit. He’d always known those fuckers were creepy. Did some doctor do what he was doing right now before the plague had gotten out, put it in someone and recorded the effects? He shook his head. There was no use thinking about that. He’d go back and change it all if he could but he couldn’t.
He just wanted to save one man and even if it hurt Cougar, he’d do what was needed. Dr. Utinov theorized that at least two more shots would be needed. Jensen had agreed to give him progress reports.
Once Cougar stopped moving, Jensen watched and sighed in relief at the small movement of the sniper’s chest as it rose and fell. He didn’t trust his judgment but his lover did look better.
Since knowing Cougar’s state of mind was part of the treatment he needed to ask Cougar some questions, so he hung around outside the room until his lover’s eyelids fluttered open.
Jensen opened the door and stood in the doorway for a moment before cautiously moving closer to take blood pressure readings. Cougar was tied down but they’d all seen how strong revenants could be. He listened to heart and lungs with a stethoscope and got more blood. He had no clue what it should show, but he’d run it through the machines.
“Hey. How do you feel?”
Cougar seemed to think about it. Then he shrugged. “Better.”
Jensen laughed. “Any urge to feast on my brains and fantastic body?”
The joke fell flat because as soon as the question was out of his mouth, Cougar only stared, something like desire flickering in his eyes. All Jensen could think was this was the way a wolf looked at sheep or a lion looked at a gazelle; seeing nothing but meat and bone, something made to satiate him and screw the rest.
He slammed the door to the room closed and sat down outside of it. His heart was beating fast and he was scared. Not that Cougar would suddenly attack him, but that they couldn’t beat this thing, that in the end he’d have to decide between killing Cougar and getting back to the others, or killing Cougar and then killing himself.
Jensen finally stood up and looked at Cougar through the window. He was asleep and it didn’t look like he’d tried to break the straps that held him down. That was different and Jensen held on to that. The other revenants were like wild animals, only appearing less crazed right after eating. Then they looked almost human, some having a remnant of cunning in their gaze.
Jensen reported the effects to the group of doctors all awaiting his results. He gave them all the information he had so far. If this failed, maybe it would still help the researchers. He had no illusions, not anymore, that there was only the slimmest of chances that he would cure Cougar or even if the cure worked that the side effects wouldn’t damage Cougar some other way.
A second injection went like the first, with Cougar having no reaction at first and then once it was really in his system, moaning and tossing back and forth. It seemed less of a shock to his system than the first batch. He was on his way back to the lab when Cougar opened his eyes and stared at him. Jensen frowned. He looked good but again, his judgment was not the best one to determine that. He’d wait a bit and take more readings.
The next set of readings showed the same numbers for blood pressure, and heart and lungs still sounded great.
There were several theories circulating that the stronger zombies were becoming something less mindless. Like he’d told that dumb ass at Walmart, they were evolving, the ones that survived becoming more aware and smarter than just running full out towards the nearest human. People argued that the zombies would eventually die, others said the slower ones would, but the others that consumed the most would survive, either needing less food or more. Jensen agreed with the smart zombie concept just because as far fetched as it seemed, the human body and mind were funny things.
After he emailed his findings, he kept his despair to himself. He was sure the other people all around the world didn’t see this as working but the steps had to be taken to get to an actual cure.
The soft beeping of an alarm woke Jensen up. He turned off the alarm and prepared the final syringe for Cougar. Dr. U’s little suggested cocktail program was almost over.
Cougar was awake when Jensen entered the room. He studied Jensen as Jensen studied him back. Skin color was back to normal. Hair didn’t look as bad as it had. Eyes no longer sunken into the skin. Lips were chapped but no longer some scary red color.
Jensen gestured at the water bottle he carried. “Want some water?”
Cougar nodded and didn’t make a fuss as Jensen held it up to his lips. Neither one of them mentioned that Jensen shouldn’t be that close to Cougar’s mouth. After he drank his fill, Cougar nodded at the awaiting needle. Jensen injected him and smiled with what he hoped was confidence. “This is the last one. Dr. Utinov thinks this will work. It’s been refined from a few other treatments he and some other doctors tried.”
Jensen wiped the injected spot with alcohol and patted Cougar’s arm. “I’m going to check a few more things then come back and watch some movies with you if you feel up to it, okay?”
He loved the way Cougar smiled at him, relief and worry mixed up together. Jensen imagined he must have the same look on his own face.
Jensen looked over previous results and typed up his conclusions which mostly consisted of what he thought was happening. He paused to think about something and in minutes he was asleep.
~
In thirty minutes Jensen was ready to watch some movies. He’d even found some microwave popcorn packs squirreled away in someone’s desk drawer. Before opening the door he looked through the observation window out of habit. His stomach clenched in fear at seeing the bed turned over and no sign of Cougar. His hands shook as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.
Cougar’s body was under the bed, one of the straps that held him down, broken. He was on his stomach and his body was shivering. Jensen pulled him over onto his back and winced at the blood that poured out of Cougar’s eyes, nose and mouth. Just as Jensen tried to feel his head for a fever, Cougar’s back arched and he screamed while blood sprayed out of his mouth.
Jensen tried to comfort him but didn’t know what to do but keep holding on. He used the stethoscope that had become an accessory to check Cougar’s heart. It beat fast and steady and Cougar showed no signs of skin degradation, something that every revenant had in common.
Jensen wiped at the blood and dodged a flying fist. It looked involuntary and Jensen hoped this was some type of flushing of Cougar’s system and not death throws. He knew Dr. U’s treatment wasn’t a 100% or even 50% but it was the closest to a cure.
Cougar’s body stopped struggling and Jensen sobbed. The other man wasn’t breathing and Jensen wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. He kept holding Cougar and didn’t let go. When Cougar gasped and inhaled, Jensen let go, not knowing if this was really Cougar or a revenant. He’d watched reports on the way they got back up after seeming dead and this didn’t look like those people.
Cougar rolled a few feet away and coughed. Then he coughed again and wiped at the blood on his face. Then he looked at Jensen and gave him the barest hint of a smile.
Jensen scooted closer.
“How do you feel?”
Cougar wiped his sticky, bloody hand on his pants though there was too much around them for that to actually work. He shrugged. “Normal.”
Jensen checked his heart and blood pressure again. His heart sounded good while his blood pressure was up a little but nothing alarming. He stood up and offered a hand to Cougar who took it after a moment. He let go of Cougar’s hand and headed for the door, eager to report his findings to Dr. Utinov and the others.
Something made him turn around.
Cougar’s teeth looked sharp like broken glass and his fingers ended in jagged fingernails. Jensen managed to duck the first swipe but the second one got him on the chest, blood immediately welling up to spill and drip onto the floor. Jensen got to the door but stopped. The Cougar in front of him wasn’t his Cougar. He let the thing come closer, its growls almost hypnotizing. A bony finger wiped a tear from his cheek before a burning sensation flashed across his throat. Jensen grabbed his own neck but he knew it was a fatal cut, blood rushing over his hands faster and faster while the thing wearing Cougar’s face watched.
Jensen sank to the floor and the last thing he saw was Cougar’s face closing in, teeth ready to rip him apart.
~
Jensen sat up in his chair so quickly it tilted over, spilling him onto the floor. His own gurgling groan had woken him up from that very realistic nightmare. He scrubbed at his face with his hands and was glad no one was around to see him check his throat. He grabbed the clipboard he’d been using and saw his notes about the third injection. So that part had happened. He checked the time and saw that he’d been asleep for three hours.
Looking in on Cougar, Jensen breathed a sigh of relief. There was no overturned bed and no blood and no Cougar ready to kill him. Through the window he watched Cougar sleep. His lover looked restful for the first time since he’d been bitten.
After a few minutes, Jensen opened the door and checked Cougar’s heart and blood pressure and tried to forget his dream. He nudged and patted Cougar’s arm until the man woke up and looked at him. Jensen held up a cup. “Guess what?”
Cougar’s groan and heartfelt curse made Jensen laugh. He took the blood with the quickness and care of an expert. Cougar didn’t need help to the bathroom so Jensen stayed in the room and waited. Once he had what he needed, he headed for the door. “I’ll be back in a bit. Sorry about earlier, I fell asleep.”
“I did too. Felt good.”
Jensen put the machines to work analyzing Cougar’s blood and urine and nervously waited for the results. He hoped they looked more like his blood and urine. Something similar with the absence of whatever it was that made Cougar’s body crave blood and other things.
He left the machines doing what they did and went back to sit with Cougar. They watched ‘Rear Window,’ and talked about Alfred Hitchcock’s movies. Near the beginning of ‘To Catch a Thief,’ Jensen looked over at Cougar to mention how hot Cary Grant had been but the words never made it past his lips.
Cougar was asleep and he looked so peaceful and healthy that the overwhelming doubt he’d carried since he’d pulled his gun on his friends began to dissipate. Jensen knew it would hurt to feel this way then lose Cougar but it’s been their life for so long anyway. He could lose this, his everything, so easily in a thousand different ways.
This plague was just another thing for them to beat like all the other adversaries they’d met and defeated. They were always the underdogs, the ones labeled ‘freak’ or ‘different,’ ‘hard to control,’ a bunch of losers.
There was another label people forgot, another way to describe them that people didn‘t realize; survivors. You could argue their methods, the things they’d seen and wish they hadn’t, the pain and scrabble to keep breathing but they’d done it, one breath at a time, more times than any of them could count. They were still here and that meant there was a chance.
Jensen felt his eyelids grow heavy and struggle to get up and go check on the tests, see if Dr. Utinov had emailed him. Something inside him told him to just lay there and enjoy the warmth of Cougar’s body and it’d all work out in the wash. The voice sounded like Kenny Rogers and Jensen was okay with that.
This time when Jensen woke up, he didn’t remember his dreams, but he felt good. Cougar was still asleep and Jensen decided to take a quick sink bath in the bathroom. Water was a precious, precious thing these days so he only used two bottles of the case he’d found with the rest of the supplies.
There were eight emails waiting on him. Two from his sister wanting a progress report and one from the Colonel. He gave Linda a quick update and then emailed Clay. He kept that one short too. He apologized for the whole gun thing and told him everything was going good, that Cougar wasn’t feverish or deteriorating physically. He got an instant reply from the Colonel which read, ‘Don’t have sex with him yet.‘
Jensen was tempted to point out that he wasn’t the one that used to regularly date people that wanted to kill him, but he didn’t send that email. He typed it, but didn’t send it. He was going to take the high road and be smug about it by himself.
He studied the lab results and sent them off to the various doctors. They looked promising from all that he’d learned over the past few days and the past few months.
It wasn’t until Noon, right after he got Cougar to eat some Ramen noodles that Dr. U sent him an email. Jensen barely kept from jumping up and down as Dr. U gave him his long distance consult that in his opinion, Cougar was cured. Every plague victim had either died permanently by now or changed to a revenant.
Cougar’s blood work differed from the first sample and Dr. U named something with sixteen letters as being the main differing component. He did advise they stay at the clinic for at least another week and that Jensen continue to monitor Cougar daily during that time, with blood work in another two days to see if it remained similar.
Jensen stopped dancing long enough to fire off another email agreeing to the terms and forwarding the doc’s last email to Clay and his sister. Then he danced around some more as he went to tell Cougar the very good news.
Cougar smiled when Jensen burst in and delivered the verdict. There was a look on his face that spoke volumes. It said that Jensen was amazing and the best thing in the world. Then Cougar said, “I can barely believe it. Thank you.”
Jensen kissed Cougar on the cheek briefly before standing back up to punch the air in victory. “We kicked this virus’s ass, man! It picked the wrong cowboy slash sniper slash ex soldier to fuck with! And the wrong genius slash hacker slash boyfriend of previously mentioned sniper.”
Jensen jumped up on the bed with Cougar and slung an arm around his shoulders. “You know what this means, right?”
Cougar smirked and shook his head. Jensen smiled. “Sex in seven days man! If all goes well, I plan to strip naked, strip you naked, and then let you fuck me until I can’t speak. We’ll call it a stamina and endurance test.”
Cougar laughed out loud and Jensen hugged him tighter, determined that since they’d made it through this, they’d make it through the rest that life was ready to throw at them. With the information he’d sent to various doctors it was possible a cure could be found and some semblance of civilization could be restored.
He’d seen the worst of mankind before the plague and afterwards not much had surprised him, but that didn’t mean he wanted his niece to grow up with all this mess. He wondered how long it would take him to convince Clay they needed a giant fence so they could turn their house and acreage into a compound. They were bound to find more people eventually. They could make a village! Then make it bigger. Jensen told Cougar his ideas and his belief that at some point in the future he would get to create a city and name it ‘Loserville.’
End
